Happy (early) Father’s Day!

I remember when I was in New Zealand (in 2004) and I was sitting at a Starbucks, typing up my first update email to my family and friends about life in Wellington.  Back then, all I had was time, though I’m not sure I was aware of it. Ten years later, I’m sitting at a Barnes & Noble in Baton Rouge, by myself.  I don’t remember the last time I did that.  I’m still drinking the same nonfat, decaf latte, though.  I’ve been married for nearly ten years and now have three boys, all under five (thus, not much time alone at Barnes & Noble).  When I’m here, I usually have them with me, playing with trains and blocks and reading books (usually about trucks)…and making trips to the bathroom a little more challenging than they used to be.  I’m a lot more tired now (I try not to mention this to Hans every minute of every day…), but part of that is because I still stay up as late as I did then.  Bad habits die hard.  Mine are about to kill me.  Hans usually falls asleep on the couch while I finish up household chores, use the computer, and piddle.  I might need to cut out the piddling time.  Bummer. 

As I attempt to reflect (I stink at reflecting) on these past ten years, I am thankful for what the Lord has done and how he’s blessed me beyond measure.

I have to start with Hans, whose patience has been tested (also beyond measure) this past decade.  I realize that most people don’t know exactly what they’re getting into when they marry…but I failed to inform him of some, let’s call them, issues that I had.  He couldn’t have known how challenging managing my diabetes, my emotions, my perfectionism, my insecurity, my lack of structure and…my love for sweets…would be.  Then again, I wasn’t aware of the difficulty of it, either.  I told you.  I do not enjoy reflecting.  I don’t like to think about or evaluate myself, especially any imperfections.  If I ignore them, are they really there?  Wellll…you may be able to ignore them as a single person, but when you join yourself to someone in holy matrimony, it all comes out.  And in my case, it was anything but the neat package I often tried to convey.  I don’t like being messy…in any sense of the word.  I have to be careful not to get mad at myself (and the boys) for dropping or spilling things (in other words, often).  I also do not like being messy emotionally…I don’t want to be a burden.  I don’t want to need help.  I don’t like being vulnerable.   I don’t even like how this chair I’m sitting in squeaks if I move too much. 

Through it all, Hans hasn’t even threatened to divorce me. Very kind, especially since I’ve told him he should.  (Kind of me, don’t you think? There’s that insecurity shining through…)  He could tell you ways he’s failed…he hasn’t been perfect, of course, but he’s been my saving grace.  He’s helped me to trust the Lord, encouraged me to form my own thoughts and convictions (still not good at that), stood by me when I was utterly miserable teaching junior high (how do people do it?), been my personal shopper (he’s better at finding clothes for me…I’m a different kind of high-maintenance), and truly been a wonderful husband and father.  His integrity, responsibility, perseverance, good looks and intentionality are exceeded only by his love for the Lord, and for that, I’m so grateful.  

I’m pretty sure this isn’t the reason Hans offered me his computer and a couple of free hours.  I didn’t know what I was going to do.  But now I need to run to the grocery store for a couple of things (despite the fact that I’ve been three times this week, including last night) and maybe look for a Father’s Day card.  Wait.  Does this count as a card?  Happy Father’s Day, Hans!  The boys and I love you!  (And thank you for knowing me so well…he’s been sending me pics of what the boys are doing at home while I’ve been here.)  🙂  It is a joy being your wife and the mother of our three boys!  See you when I get home.

27 Replies to “Happy (early) Father’s Day!”

  1. Love you my sweet friend. I hope this writing kick continues. You are such a special woman. As I read this I could hear your voice through the words.
    Give those boys a kiss for me, and make Hans a noogie (not sure how to spell that). Xoxo

    1. Hahah. Writing this blog was worth it just to hear from you. Thanks for your kind words…give your boys my love!

    1. As I’m sure you know, I only consume Mountain Dew when in the presence of at least one Bolivian. Love to you and Ingrid!

  2. Courtney…thank you for sharing your heart. This post is fuel for me. I identify oh so well with you on many levels: wife, mother, health stuff, etc. thanks for your openness! Keep moving forward ☺️

  3. Courtney! Who knew you had this in you?!?!? I was smiling as I read this post because Hans is right… You are truly a gifted writer! I love seeing God given talents revealed 😉 You are such an amazing person & I just love all of you! Looking forward to your next post!

  4. Oh, how I wish we lived closer. How fun it would be to get our boys together and catch up. I miss y’all. Mike and I have always been encouraged by y’all. Every single time we hung out. Every time. You guys are fantastic!

    1. Remember that time we tried to build Atticus’s crib? I don’t even remember what happened, but I know I was no help. You guys are still some of the funniest people we know. Maybe we should all go back to DTS and live in Swiss Tower… haha. So good to hear from you – hope you and Mike and the boys are doing great!

  5. Yes! I love when you write! I’m so glad you took Hans up on the opportunity he gave to you. It was totally worth it! Love you guys so much…and always want to hear what’s going on in your life. 🙂

  6. Your such a special person Courtney! I knew that when I first met you. The Cooks have been blessed by our friendship with you my sweet friend. Love you and loved reading your post.

    1. Thank you, Mrs. Carol! I’m the one who’s been blessed by our friendship! Not to mention your cooking. My favorite meal in college was probably your delicious pot roast, green beans, mashed potatoes, rice and gravy, and those Sister Schubert’s rolls! And I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting to know Katie again and raising our kids together. She’s so much fun! Love you and your family!

  7. I had two primary thoughts:
    1-if you only do this every ten years then it’s well worth the wait! I think you gotta arrange monthly or bi monthly B/N moms day out and Blog!
    2-my #1 favorite drink is Mtn Dew! Do u like it too or just your Bolivian friends?

    1. I don’t always drink soda, but when I do, I prefer Coke. 😉 However, to answer your question, the Dew is okay. The Bolivians enjoy it more. In fact, we sent them some…only to later discover that their postal system had filed bankruptcy. That was months ago. They still have not received the box. I’ll keep you posted…

  8. Ahhhh… I just LOVE you guys!!! This post makes my heart so happy! Both of you are so special to our family and we thank God for your example in more ways than we can count!!!

  9. I love your writing, Court. This made my day:) Love you guys!!! And we are missing the Googers here in Dallas!

    1. You guys were a big part of why we loved living in Dallas. Having us over for delicious dinners, hosting a baby shower for me, letting us house sit when you were out of town, changing my flat tire that time, Dan! and just always being able to count on you…thank you!!! We miss you, too!

  10. I loved your post! Thanks for taking the time and thanks to Hans for helping to make it possible. Loved the window into your life and heart.

  11. I do miss your writing, Court. Love your openness and honesty. You taught me well 😉 Those were some good days in NZ, but hey, what would life be like without those 3 awesome little munchkins you’ve got now? Oh, and Happy Father’s Day, Hans! Kev and I so appreciate you taking time to share your wisdom and insight into our marriage. Love you guys!

  12. I love this. Please keep blogging 🙂 I thoroughly enjoyed reading this…I read it twice – ha! My 2 favorite parts…
    1. You mentioning your love for sweets. I feel like your baked goods always somehow end up in my house! Especially those darn tasty peanut butter cluster things.
    2. How Han’s was sending you pics of the boys while you were away…because that’s what you do for me whenever you watch Avery. I always look forward to the pictures/videos you send after she hangs out with you and the boys.

    1. Ha! You know that if I didn’t give the sweets to you, I’d be forced to eat all of them…especially the peanut butter ones, since Hans is allergic! Hey. Thanks for taking one for the team. And Avery’s so cute, I have to take pictures. Just in case she and Asher get married…those pics of them fighting over baby strollers and such are going to be great for the rehearsal dinner video. Can’t wait!

  13. You know I love your blogs…so I expect to be included on your mailing list!

  14. AUGH! Courtney, it is SO GREAT to read you again! James and I did not even know you have three boys now! At your next chance alone at Barnes and Noble (you know, in another two years) put a picture of the three of them out where we can see it. James comments that Hans looks like a Shakespearean actor now, so he’s got that going for him along with the awesome husband/dad thing.

    Please keep writing. The mess is real life. Yours is beautiful.

    1. Katie! I was so excited to see your (and your kids’) recent blog posts. My goal is to write half as well as you do! I tried to change the picture on the website, but I’m not, oh, how you say…tech-savvy. But I’ll figure it out. Until then, I’ll email you a few pics. And Hans has never been told he resembles a Shakespearean actor, so thank James for the…compliment? 🙂 Great to hear from you! Hi to the family!

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