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How to Handle the Hospital

January 19, 2011 in Humor, Pastoral Life with 0 Comments

Pastors and hospital visits. They go together hand in hand. Shoot, people and hospital visits do. In the past 17 months on the job, I have visited people who had a newborn with RSV, premature babies with multiple issues, a pregnant mother whose body wanted to give birth (many months) earlier than it should, a woman who suffered a stroke, a friend who needed an aortic aneurysm repaired, and a burn victim, as well as a few healthy newborns and mothers.

I understand that everyone wants the pastor to visit them in the hospital. But, quite honestly, the pastor (read: paid staff member) is not always the best person. If people are in ministry with others (small group, service team, etc.), I find it best that those people go. Regardless, I’ve had my share of hospital room and waiting room visits (some good, some not so good, and some hilarious), and I’ve also been the one who has been visited. In it all, I have found a few things helpful to know. So consider this Hospital Life 101.

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Four reasons I (still) don’t use Facebook

January 11, 2011 in Family, Humor with 0 Comments

I signed up for Facebook years ago. Then I suspended my account. Then I got back on Facebook. Then I deleted my account. Just last week I signed up for Facebook, and within 15 minutes had deleted my account. Again. Unless I am paid handsomely for it, or my employer makes me, I just do not see myself using it.

I know all the reasons people I’m around use it (and use it regularly). And I don’t fault them. “It’s a ministry tool.”  ”Everyone else uses it.” “Facebook is the new way to communicate.” Yesterday, I was on the phone with a friend who lives in Bolivia. I was frustrated with the guy. He hadn’t answered the phone in MONTHS. Finally, when he did answer, he told me that he “tried to Facebook me” but I no longer had an account. But I still love you, Pablo.

It’s not that I’m anti-social network or anti-technology. I have a Twitter account. Courtney has a Flickr account. We keep a blog. And I have a phone that is smarter than I am that let’s me video chat with my family while I am out of the house. There are actually some specific reasons I do not like Facebook.

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Yes, The Bet is ON!

April 15, 2010 in Family, Humor with 6 Comments

2010 0325-67

Peter: “You’re never gonna regret this Ray.”

Ray: “My parents left me that house. I was BORN there.”

Peter: “You’re not gonna lose the house. Everybody has three mortgages nowadays.”

A line from one of the best movies in the world, Ghostbusters. Spoken at an important moment where Ray mortgages his house AGAIN so the Ghostbusters have a chance of funding their dream. It was a risk, but the benefits far outweighed the cost (at least to Peter).

I’m not a huge risk taker, but in a moment of weakness I mentioned to my friend Roger my inability to successfully read fiction. Something about seminary trained me to only read things with clear thesis statements, abstracts, discussions, and conclusions. Fiction makes my brain hurt. He then said “I’m sure you’ve read the Lord of the Rings.” My answer? A resounding “No.” However, that wasn’t the risk. When Evan saw the new office furniture (read: the copies of the Lord of the Rings sitting in my office) he said “I’ll give you twenty-five bucks if you read those.”

Seriously? Twenty-five bucks? Why would I ever make a bet for an amount of money that I could simply ask a friend for? No, no. There must be something better than that. So we decided on this:

If I read the books by my birthday (June 26th) then Evan has to lead worship one Sunday entirely from the acoustic guitar and NOT the electric. However, if I fail, I have to watch all three extended-edition movies with him. Wait a second. I read for hours upon hours or I don’t read for hours upon hours and then must watch TV for hours upon hours. How’d I agree to this? What would Peter Venkman say to me about regrets?

You can see Evan’s telling of the story here: http://evangodbold.wordpress.com/2010/04/16/the-bet-is-on/

Evan thinks it is a win-win for him, since either way I get exposed to LOTR. Maybe so. But here’s what he wasn’t thinking. For at least ONE Sunday he won’t have people telling him how LOUD the music was. And instead they’ll tell him how awesome he was and how great the worship was because they could “hear the words.” Then he’ll be eternally grateful for our wager.

Wait a second. No matter what happens Evan wins. I either get exposed to LOTR via book or DVD, or Evan gets to have people tell him how great he is. It’s one of Michael Scott’s notorious win-win-win’s.

I tip my hat to you, Godbold. You’ve already won.

Monkeying Around: Third Time’s a Charm

March 12, 2010 in Humor with 6 Comments

Now that Ethan is home (for the second time), Sock Monkey and Friend could not be more excited.  However, they’re a little disappointed at the amount of time he sleeps.  They were not expecting this.  Therefore, they still have to find things to do while they wait for him to wake up.

“It doesn’t say ANYthing about when he starts driving?”

“No way.  YOU try it.”

“Put this pacifier in.  This’ll work, I’m telling acomplia slimming pills you.”

“An alliance?  Nah.  I think we can take them.”

“Whatever.  That is NOT your cousin.”

“Have you seen where those have been?”

“It’s no use.  He won’t jump.”

“I’m bored.”

Nanny of the Nap

January 18, 2010 in Family, Humor with 4 Comments

When Ethan got home from the hospital on Christmas Day, we had him sleeping in his bassinet in our room.  But because of the acid reflux he experiences (a result of his surgery…although lots of babies have reflux), he wasn’t doing very well lying horizontally.  So, at the beginning of January, Hans did some research, which resulted in the purchase of a Nap Nanny – a stiff foam little “bed” with a 30-degree incline…like a recliner for a baby:

A bed on a bed

His usual spot for the night

A close-up of the 30-degree incline (and his long fingers)

The Nap Nanny’s new poster boy

Today, Ethan was sitting in his Nap Nanny when he…decided that it was high time I washed the cover slip.  How he decided to do that, I will leave to your imagination.  :)   So…I took the cover off of the foam to find the washing instructions (and then to wash).  Listed on the other side of the tag?  WARNING:  the safety guidelines of the Nap Nanny, which I hadn’t seen before.  They read:

  • ALWAYS use medicine acomplia on the floor.  NEVER place product on countertops (already done), tables (done), steps (aha!  not done!) or other elevated surfaces.
  • NEVER use on soft or uneven surface – bed, sofa, cushion – as seat may tip over and cause suffocation. (See pic #1)
  • NEVER use with blankets, towels, pillows or other soft objects while child is in seat.  (See…um…all the pics)
  • Intended for infants 8 pounds or 3.6 kilograms or above.  (Soon…soon)
  • NEVER leave child in the seat when straps are loose or undone.  (Er…)
  • NEVER move or carry unit while child is in seat.  Not intended for carrying a baby.  (Ah…)

I AM proud to say that we never violated the last three warnings (not listed above) on the tag – which included using it as a car seat, in a car at all, and putting a cover slip manufactured by anyone else on it.

All that to say, I think Ethan likes his Nap Nanny.  In fact, he’s sitting in it right now.  Its cover slip is still drying…

Avert your eyes!

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